#1 Embracing the paradox: how self-love can coexist with personal growth

What would a good school speech be without a definition from the Oxford dictionary? Well, since most of us have likely not heard a school speech in ages (if we are lucky), here is your flashback for the day:

The Britannica defines paradox as "a statement that seems to say two opposite things but that may be true."

Think about these statements, for instance:

"less is more";

"the only rule is that there are no rules";

"the only constant is change".

The perfectionism trap

If you are a human (and maybe especially if you are a woman!), chances are that you are often confronted by thoughts that you are not good enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not present enough, not involved enough, not fit enough, not working enough. The list goes on.

We may even extend it further: my husband and I don't have enough sex, we fight too much, we are not connected enough. My children's school marks are not good enough, they fight too much, they don't do enough extra-curricular activities. We take these perceived shortcomings and turn in into reasons to feel guilty about who we ourselves are not.

In his book, Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it, Daniel Klein writes:

“An insidious manner in which we fall into the aspirations trap is in our reverence for perfectionism. We are convinced that this quality is a sign of noble character… But the outcome of perfectionism is that we are constantly looking for ways in which we or our products could be better… That is a guaranteed way never to feel completely fulfilled.”

The paradox of self-love

The Reconstruct journey reveals a beautiful paradox:

On the one hand I learn to love myself wholly. I accept myself with grace. I am grateful for how far I have come. I appreciate that I have been shaped through the sum of my experiences. I love and accept my own story. I do not compare myself with others. I love myself unconditionally.

On the other hand I also choose not to accept myself just as I am. I release the idea that I am a victim of my circumstances. I have the power to decide the course of my life. I can decide who I want to be, and then take action to grow into that version of myself.

Because I love myself as I am, I choose to grow into the person that I want to be.

If you are ready to embrace the paradox of self-love, consider joining the Reconstruct Journey.

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