#5 When the referee is wearing earphones: questioning your default reactions
- Guest writer
- Apr 15, 2024
- 2 min read
Guest blog by Caren van der Walt: wife, mom of 3 kids, 2 dogs and a goldfish. Marketing consultant by day, chaos coordinator by night.
Last night, I was listening to a podcast on my phone, in preparation for a meeting. It's something I usually do when I have a moment to myself, away from any distractions. But with the chaos of the day life happened and it was now or never.
I plugged in my earphones, cranked up the volume, grabbed my notebook and focused on the podcast. During those 10 minutes, the kids had a squabble and resolved it on their own. The dog barked at them but then quieted down without my intervention. One child needed help with something random, but when they saw I was occupied, they managed it independently.
In that moment, it hit me - yes, this is undeniably my circus, and these are my monkeys. However, it doesn't mean I have to be the full-time ringmaster. I need to embrace the notion of plugging my ears more often and allowing my children to navigate their own challenges. After all, they do it effortlessly at school, during extracurricular activities, and with their friends. So why do I automatically assume the role of referee at home without even questioning it?
Being the referee at home became my default suit over the years. I’m constantly making sure everyone is playing by the rules, handing out penalties and keeping players in line. It’s not a suit I like, or chose. It just happened. OK, let’s face it, the sounds of kids fighting and dogs barking are about as soothing as standing next to a concrete drill. But that still doesn’t mean it needs to be my permanent suit.
I might have to listen to loud podcasts more often. Well, so be it. I need to save myself from myself. And in return, I'll have more independent kids and lower cortisol levels. I’ll have the opportunity to try out other suits and maybe even discover a new default. It sounds like a win-win situation to me!
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